I want to be like a tree.

Something that has stood out to me this week is that when people get together there's a lot of gossiping. I think it’s because they aren’t comfortable having deeper, more intimate conversations. It’s a way of relating and making them feel close or connected, but in a very unhealthy way. I know America isn’t any different, we have the same issues with this, but it’s more obvious when you are an observer.

The South Africans are very private. The friend I am staying with, it took her almost an entire week to open up and be vulnerable with me. She said that she worried that I would tell others about what she shared and that I would think differently of her. By the way, their attempt at English makes me smile. She said, “Kristen, you don’t understand, I am naked in front of you!” After she shared her heart with me and cried about her hardships, I asked her how she felt. She said, “I feel freedom, like a bird.” After our mission group left in March she described how she felt as, “I died inside myself when you people left. I’ve had shortness of love.”

In their culture going to therapy is a negative thing. I have felt very privileged that some have trusted me enough to schedule therapy appointments while I am here. Due to the language barrier, our sessions take double the length of time. They have been keeping me very busy!

There is such a difficult balance between having the freedom to openly express yourself with someone close and participating in gossip. I think the focus should be on our heart posture. Our words have the power to speak life and death.

Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words.”

What comes out of our mouth reflects what our heart looks like. When we are speaking negatively about others there is usually anger, bitterness, pride, envy, judgment, etc. So what does that say about me? Instead of focusing on what someone else is doing or saying that I don't like, I need to be more concerned with what it stirs inside of me. Take that to God so that my mind and my heart can be transformed.

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on His law day and night.

That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers. Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.” Psalm 1:1-4

I love Psalm 1. I usually focus on verses 2 and 3 but today verse 1 stood out to me. The blessing we relieve is a greater maturity in our faith. This happens by us choosing not to join in with "mockers", being mindful of who we are spending time in the company of.

I want to speak life into people. I want people to feel God's love and feel lighter and more at peace in my presence. The way for me to be this way is by "meditating day and night'' on His word.

The Bible study I attended last night here was on Romans 12:2, which I have tattooed on my arm and down my side, not conforming to this world but transforming by the renewing of our mind.

The root word, “form”, is the same. It means to change. Change is inevitable. “Con” means to go “with”, while “trans” means across or on the other side of. I have the options to change by going along or with the people and world around me, or by crossing over into someone brand new. Who I was before into who I have become. The difference is, what is creating the change, what we are surrounding ourselves with, what we are letting influence us.

I want to be more like God. I want to bear good fruit. I want my character to be more aligned with His. I don’t want to be like the chaff, in Psalm 1:4, which is discarded during the harvest and is useless.

I am excited for another day of therapy sessions and quality time with the South Africans. I am learning so much about their culture but at the same time learning so much about myself.